Pride

Pride – what a useless emotion when it stops us from communicating!

I remember getting upset at my hubby for some unimportant little thing – maybe he made a mess and went to work without cleaning it up or something. When he got home he could tell I was upset and asked what was wrong. So I told him in no uncertain terms.

He immediately apologised and put his arms around me. At first I resisted his embrace because I told myself I was rightly upset at his lack of consideration for me. But then I realised that

1) he just apologised and

2) I’d rather have him hug me than push him away and stay angry for no reason.

Spare money – what to do with it?

New Zealanders love to buy real estate as their investment for the future. New Zealanders are also very entrepreneurial but when they start businesses, they often seem to stop at the point where they can buy a holiday home, a nice car and a leisure craft (the old Bach, Boat, and BMW). Beyond that either they have no interest in growing their business to something that grows NZ exports, or they have limited, difficult or only foreign access to growth funding. Why? Because everyone with extra money here only wants to buy houses…

Ball and chain

A work colleague was making jokes about another coworker getting married and never being seen again (in terms of drinks functions etc), so I couldn’t help but feel compelled to share my viewpoint :). I said that jokes like men being tied to a ball and chain once married, or being controlled by their wife, give marriage a bad name. I told him that I thought that men who allowed themselves to be bossed around by their wives were lazy wimps if they couldn’t be bothered making the effort of expressing their own will or opinion on matters!

What do you think about the ball and chain analogy? Is it real?

How do you know you know?

What is it that happens to make people realise they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other? I’m fascinated by this – how do you know? In my own experience I got little surprises about my husband to be almost each time I saw him (when we had just met). I couldn’t quite believe that a man actually existed that was just like I never realised I always wanted!

I think one factor that definitely goes without saying is time spent getting to know the personality of this person. If you like what they say and are impressed by what they do, if you enjoy spending your time with them, it has to count for a whole lot. But is it enough to commit to your whole life with them? I’m sure there are many other facets to this. What are your stories on how you knew you wanted to be with your spouse “til death do you part”?

The In-laws…

When you marry your fiance(e), you’re choosing a family member to join you in a new family. But as I’ve said before, your spouse is the only family member you get to choose; you usually get a lot of extra family along with your spouse that you don’t get to choose! It’s imperative to talk about and agree on how you are going to relate with parents and in-laws once married.

The A + B = C equation

So many marriage partners seem to assume when there is more than one answer to something, they have to win their opinion, otherwise they lose.

Submit! – que?

I was chatting to my good friend the other day about submitting to your husband. She had been to a wedding where she was horrified to hear the bride (a Christian wedding) say in her vows that she would submit to her husband! I said the meaning of the word submission has altered and been lost to some extent through the ages, to now hold negative connotations. Actually what it originally means to portray is simply that the husband is the head of the family, and he is perfectly capable of making good decisions on behalf of his family.

Why would we and how do we Design our Marriage?

Both of you will have pre-conceptions of what your marriage will or should look like, whether they are subconscious or real. You probably also have conscious plans for certain things you wish to be a part of your new team dynamics. I cannot stress enough how important it is to try and find out at least the most important ones to you before you marry, and to talk about these and design how they will be outplayed once you are married. Once you are in the habit of talking about these, it will be a lot easier as you go along and discover more of them to talk about them, and resolve them together.

What is marriage? Marriage and Design

Marriage dates back as far as Adam and Eve who became husband and wife. The bible explains that in this act of marriage the man leaves his father and mother and becomes one flesh with his wife*. I think that’s a perfect way of explaining how getting married means becoming a team or a family of your own. Previously, you were part of your parent’s nuclear family unit with your father (or mother!) at the head. In your own marriage, you are creating your own family foundations using what you’ve learned from your own parents, from your life experiences, and combining these with the learnings and experiences of your spouse. In this way, marriage takes forward-thinking and planning; it takes design, it takes creation to bring all of these ideas and beliefs together.

What is marriage? (For Discussion)

Here are some initial questions to discuss between yourselves. After you’ve discussed them together, see the next blog for additional information on this topic.

• How do you each define marriage?
• What are your attitudes toward marriage?
• What were your role models of marriage growing up?