Don’t forget: it’s all about you two…
May 16, 2012 § Leave a comment
We get so caught up in planning for the big wedding day, we lose track of what the day is all about – getting ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Here are five vital things you should do to prepare yourselves for that lifetime commitment you are about to make.
1. Share your top five values with each other
Do you know what your fiancé’s core values are in life? Does he know yours? Most of us don’t actually know these until we sit down and discuss these questions to help us figure them out. For example, how do you both feel about family, problem solving, justice or creativity? As much as we think we might know our partner, we can never guess what their top five priorities are in life. Remember, assumption is the mother of all relationship muck-ups!
2. Find out each others love language
We each need to know and be constantly reminded we are loved – but not necessarily verbally. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages describes the different actions that communicate our love for our partner and the fact we need to speak in our partner’s love language to ensure they feel loved. Do the online survey at www.5lovelanguages.com.
3. Learn how to solve problems and resolve conflicts
We don’t need to learn how to have conflicts – but how to get to the other side of them. There are proven skills that couples need to develop, as marriage is all about sticking together through the tough times. There will be tough times, which cannot be avoided when two people live together with different personalities. But the default resolution should not be separation. Conflict resolution is much simpler and less life-destroying!
4. Take an interest in your in-laws’ hobbies
One of the biggest stresses on a marriage is bad relationships with in-laws. We can’t choose family, so we just need to learn how to get on with them. Most friendships are based in familiarity – so get to know your in-laws as people. Develop the boundaries between your upcoming marriage “zone” and your in-laws, in agreement with your fiancé, and the same with your own parents.
5. Come up with a financial plan for your marriage
Let’s say you both do a values exercise and realise that creativity is in the top five for both of you. Your spending and saving targets should purchase things that let you experience more creativity in your lives and in your marriage. You won’t need a triple-car garage and three spare bathrooms, and those things will not make you happy. Neither will all the sacrifices you would have to make to get them.
No Myth Marriages runs one-day couples workshops, taking new wedding couples through values exercises, problem solving skills, marriage zones and much more. Find out more at www.nomythmarriages.com.