5 tips to keep romance alive in marriage
February 2, 2012 § Leave a comment
1. Go on regular dates
Keep trying to impress your partner, like you did on your first dates, and acknowledge and praise your partner when they do something impressive. Keep courting each other, even when married! It’s important to come up with things to do together, just like you would with other friends. Your marriage partner is hopefully your best friend, so do things that friends do as well as what partners do. You both still need to grow as individuals even when married, so regular dates also give you the necessary opportunities to keep getting to know one another.
2. Keep some things just for you two
Have special codes, in-jokes, and secrets (preferably not about other people), that are unique to you as a couple. You both need to agree on what things are sacred between the two of you and do not share them with anyone else. These intimate pieces of knowledge about each other and shared histories help create a bond and can be triggers for ongoing intimacy. Your intimacy is diluted when shared with others outside of your relationship. Honour your partner: never kiss and tell – do not even tell your mothers, sisters, brothers or best buddies!
3. Be thankful = be happy
Research proves that concentrating on being thankful for what we have rather than thinking about what we don’t have, directly correlates to being happy. Don’t compare with others outside your relationship. Make up your mind on your goals together as a team and pursue them together, while being thankful for what you already have.
4. Find out the other person’s love language, and love them in their language
Gary Chapman says that people have a predominant love language that makes them feel loved, and that they use to show love to others. Very often, either person in a relationship has a different love language. It is critical to feel loved in a healthy and romantic relationship, so find out what yours and your partner’s languages are and start speaking them regularly. There is an online survey to help you figure it out, or you can find it at the end of Chapman’s book: The Five Love Languages.
5. Stay adaptable
Immediately resolve things that are going to matter in one month’s time. Never let important issues fester. But, do choose your battles. Make sure you come up with solutions together for the major things that are bugging either of you, and let go of, consider or be open to trying everything else. Act by what you would want your spouse to say about you in your obituary.