January 23, 2011 § Leave a comment
Pride – what a useless emotion when it stops us from communicating!
I remember getting upset at my hubby for some unimportant little thing – maybe he made a mess and went to work without cleaning it up or something. When he got home he could tell I was upset and asked what was wrong. So I told him in no uncertain terms.
He immediately apologised and put his arms around me. At first I resisted his embrace because I told myself I was rightly upset at his lack of consideration for me. But then I realised that
1) he just apologised and
2) I’d rather have him hug me than push him away and stay angry for no reason.
Then we were able to talk about it without the hurt feelings getting in the way, and were able to understand each other’s reasons for the issue and work out how we would deal with it next time.
Pride has limited place in a marriage. If you are defensive, you can’t problem solve effectively. Good problem solving involves being able to see it from other peoples’ point of view as well as your own. If you are defensive you are only looking at it from the one perspective.
If you get offered a sign of reconciliation, be it a touch, a smile, recognise it for what it is and let that hardness melt… Don’t let it stick around because of some sense of pride in not backing down. Maybe you don’t get offered a sign of reconciliation – maybe you need to offer it. Don’t let that hardness win as it only gets you a win for one of you. It’s not important who’s right if it gets you nowhere! In marriage, you’re always aiming for what’s best for the team!