The In-laws…

August 14, 2009 § 2 Comments

When you marry your fiance(e), you’re choosing a family member to join you in a new family. But as I’ve said before, your spouse is the only family member you get to choose; you usually get a lot of extra family along with your spouse that you don’t get to choose! It’s imperative to talk about and agree on how you are going to relate with parents and in-laws once married.

Do you get the feeling the in-laws don’t like you, or don’t approve? Chances are you haven’t spent any time letting them get to know you. How about taking some time this week for both of you to visit them? Even better: invite them to share dinner with you both. Ask them about themselves and talk about topics they would be interested in. Usually you won’t realise that your future in-laws do think highly of you untill you take the time to make conversation with them.

Despite your efforts if you do have issues with parents or in-laws getting in the way of your relationship, it’s important that the two of you are united in your standpoint. Decide together on your boundaries, remember the culture that you have designed together and make sure you protect those values in your marriage.


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§ 2 Responses to The In-laws…

  • kim g says:

    great ideas on in-laws, amy. i think you’re on the money. i’ve realized its been important for us that i not pressure mike to LOVE my family, but rather let him learn about them himself and find his own relationship w/ them, with my gentle assist. also learned not to vent w/ your parents or your spouse about the other. the loyalty each has to you will have them resent the other, especially if you’re forgetting to mention the make up!

    • amymclaren says:

      Thanks Kim – you raise a great point about venting – worthy of another dicussion in itself! I tell myself he’s my best friend and who else can I talk to about these things? You’re right it doesn’t help his relationship with the person being vented about. Like Helen Monk was saying last night you need to be close to be good mates. If it would otherwise create a secret between you, I definitely think it’s better to talk about it – in a way that preserves his relationship with that person though.

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